Professional Advice from Emily Abbas

Click above to watch our Wednesdays with Whitney interview with Emily Abbas.

Throughout her career, Emily Abbas has been fortunate to work with amazing leaders and teams. Here are a few simple pieces of advice she shared while in our studio this week.

Surround yourself with people who are not like you

It’s extremely rewarding to work with a team that is diverse in both thought and identity. If you have a room full of people who share more in common than not, those people won’t push each other or challenge each other’s viewpoints. Creating an inclusive environment, filled with people who have different experiences and backgrounds, will inherently result in more dynamic ideas and solutions.

Be a counselor instead of an order-taker

Don’t be afraid to ask questions in order to gain insight. For example, if someone asks for an ad, an order-taker will give them the best darn ad they can, while a counselor will ask questions to determine if an ad is really what is needed. Two great questions to start with include: What are you trying to accomplish? Who are you trying to reach?

Add value by contributing

When others see you add value, they will seek out your opinion. Being able to think on your feet and come up with an immediate solution based on past experience is one way to earn that respect. Of course, you aren’t expected to know everything and can always change your mind, but leaders appreciate an in-the-moment gut reaction, when possible.

Be true to yourself

You will find the most success when you play to your strengths. If you’re naturally bossy, be bossy (in a kind way). If you’re naturally funny, use your humor. People will quickly figure out when you are not being genuine. Self-awareness, or how others perceive us, is something we can all work on improving.

Give back to your community

We are fortunate to live in a great community, and it is great because of those who have invested before us. First explore many options, but at some point find an organization you are passionate about and commit to it. This allows you to more easily say no to other requests and focus on giving at a deeper level to two or three nonprofits in order to truly make a difference.

From Whitney:

Do any of these topics spark an interest in you? If so, please reach out to Emily. I’m sure she would be as willing to discuss with you as she was with us in this week’s Wednesday with Whitney Facebook Live video (see above).

About Emily:

Des Moines native and community advocate Emily Abbas joined Bankers Trust in 2014 as the Bank’s first Chief of Staff. She currently serves as Senior Vice President, Chief Marketing and Communications Officer for the largest community bank in Iowa. Emily gives back to our community as Chair of Drake University’s National Alumni Board and a member of the Drake University Board of Trustees, a member of the Governor’s STEM Advisory Council, and on the Board of Directors at the Robert D. and Billie Ray Center as well as the Downtown Community Alliance. She was named one of “14 People to Watch in 2014” by The Des Moines Register, and in 2016 she was honored as the “Emerging Woman of Influence” by the Des Moines Business Record.

Girl Scouts Grown Up

Click the image above to watch my Wednesdays with Whitney interview with Jessie Tobin of Girl Scouts of Greater Iowa.

I love working with women, promoting women-owned businesses, and empowering women in our community. One common thread that I’ve noticed with these women is that many of them are former Girl Scouts, which makes complete sense when considering the skills, resolution, and morals of the organization and how they transfer into a well-rounded and well-supported adulthood! For this week's installment of Wednesdays with Whitney, I talked to my friend Jessie Tobin, who is the Director of Philanthropy at Girl Scouts of Greater Iowa, about some of the amazing qualities the Girl Scouts can instill in a person. I also rounded up some of my clients who were Girl Scouts growing up and asked them about their experiences. Read on for some favorite memories, skills, and (of course) cookies! 

Belle DuChene

One of my favorite memories is earning a hologram bookmark as a prize for being a top cookie seller. It was a great day because it represented all the hard work I had done to learn how to ask family and friends for their support, by phone and in person. I was a shy little girl, so that was a huge growing experience. (I still have that bookmark somewhere!)

My first sewing experience was learning to attach my badges to my sash. Little did I know, a Textiles and Apparel Design major was in my future!

My favorite cookie is Shortbread (Trefoils).

Christina Baker:

When I was in Girl Scouts, my troop took a trip to a ranch and learned horseback riding, archery, and the value of grooming and cleaning up after animals. While I don’t use these skills daily, they definitely supported my love of being outdoors and kindled passion for horseback riding, a hobby that I’d like to reconnect with as an adult.

Earning my cooking badge taught me so much about safe food prep techniques, measuring, patience, and resilience when something didn’t turn out right that isn’t taught in schools today. I continue to use these skills to cook and bake to this day. Some things turn out better than others, but I continue to learn!

I loved Samoas growing up, but now I think they are called Caramel deLites.  Simply indulgent and heavenly!

Sarah Noll Wilson

I'm a proud Girl Scout from Troop #238 Dubuque, Iowa! Growing up, I had terrible home sickness (I suspect this was really anxiety) and my poor mom would take me to the bus to get picked up for summer day camp. I would cry so hard it would make me sick. (Keep in mind, this was just day camp, we weren't even spending the night.) Finally, my mom told me, "I want you to try it. If you come home and didn't enjoy it, you don't have to go the rest of the week". Once I was pushed outside of my comfort zone and arrived at camp, I fell in love. I meet great friends, learned cool skills, and knew that someday I was going to be a counselor. While I didn't end up working at Camp Little Cloud when I was older, I worked as director of a day camp for at-risk kids for two years. Next to my current work, that was the best job I ever had. I might not have had that experience if it weren't for Girl Scout camp and a little push by my mother.

As a Girl Scout, I learned lots of great skills from camping, to helping others, to sales. But perhaps the best lesson I didn't learn until much later in life. My mom was our Girl Scout troop leader, and we were competing in a sock hop lip sync competition at my school. We chose to lip sync "Leader of the Pack." I wanted to be the lead girl so badly, but my mom chose a newer member of our troop. As a kid, all I knew is that I wasn't chosen, and I was upset. But the pain was numbed when we won first place. It wasn't until I was much older when my mom and I were talking about our Girl Scouting days. I had shared with her how bummed I was when I wasn't selected to be the lead in the competition. My mom asked if I knew why she chose the other girl. Of course I didn't, because as a kid you only see the world through your own perspective. Mom told me that this girl (who later became a good friend of mine) had had a really tough life, raised by a single mom who didn't have much money, and my mom thought she could benefit from having the spotlight on her. At the time I hadn't seen those challenges, but as an adult I could. I can confidently say my mom, our Scout leader, made the absolute right decision. I love the fact that lessons from my time in Girl Scouts still persist.

Hands down, my favorite cookie is Samoas (or Carmel deLights). What's not to love about coconut and caramel?

Christina Moffatt

One year when I was in Girl Scouts, I worked so hard to sell cookies so that I could earn this puppet that looked like  a rabbit in a hat. And I did it! My mom kept that rabbit for years because I worked so hard to earn it.

My favorite badge to earn was the cooking badge. My love for food and baking started when I was a Brownie, and now I own a bakery! As an adult, I sell cookies and baked goods from my bakery, and help a new generation of Girl Scouts earn their baking badges and business badges.

My favorite cookie has to be the Tagalong! (Now Peanut Butter Patties - chocolate and peanut butter, hands down.)

Jody White

I loved my time in the Girl Scouts. My mom was one of our troop leaders. I remember being so excited about the meetings and wearing our Girl Scout uniforms: the brown dress, long socks, white shirt, ribbon neck ties, and of course the “sashes!” I think the best skills we learned were how to be a leader and how to be a good salesperson. I would sell boxes of cookies at a local bank. Just by selling cookies, you learned about event planning, how much time it takes to set up and tear down, inventory, and money management. It’s definitely a valuable life skill learned at a very early age! To this day, I still love planning events!

My favorite cookies have shifted over the years. My favorite growing up was Trefoils. Today, I like Lemonades and frozen Thin Mints...and still Trefoils! Yum!

Katie Patterson

I attended and worked at Girl Scout Camp Tanglefoot from fourth grade through mid-college. I'm still proud of the day I earned my silver award. It was one of the first times in life when I truly took responsibility for my own work getting completed and seeing something through. My time with the Girl Scouts inspired some of my life's best memories, and it proved to be a completely foundational experience for who I am today.

As for cookies, I love Peanut Butter Patties. The blend of soft peanut butter with the crunchy cookie covered in chocolate is everything.

Michelle Wilkie

There are so many great memories from my time as a Girl Scout in Honolulu. I got to participate in a lot of different activities, like having a sleepover in a former Hawaiian royal home (which was basically like having a slumber party in a museum - still not sure how they trusted a bunch of young girls to not break anything), camping all over the island, meeting dignitaries from other countries, and having culture days where we learned about the different backgrounds of the girls who represented our troop.

The relationships built through Girl Scouts is the constant thread and the best memory. The laughter and sometimes childhood disagreements around who got the best camping cot, those are the moments that stick out. My former troop leader actually attended my bridal shower. Many, many, years after I was in her troop. She still keeps in contact with all the girls and has talked about having a reunion in Las Vegas (at least we wouldn't have to fight over cots!). I hope it works out. Either way, it's amazing to see how these relationships have stood the test of time.

I was the highest grossing cookie salesperson on my troop and had a badge for it. To this day, my family will joke about my strategic sales plan as a six-year-old. I could literally walk up to anyone and sell them a box of cookies. I even had my territories mapped out! That experience provided me with the strong skill and ability to sell my ideas, and the courage to pitch those ideas to anyone. I didn't realize this was a unique strength until others started commenting on my fierceness to go out and strike up a conversation. To me, it's completely natural. And I honestly think I got that from Girl Scouts!

Samoas are the best cookie! Hands down! Although I learned after moving to Iowa that in the Mid-West they're called Caramel deLights. The cookies are slightly different but both still give that delicious coconut, caramel, chocolate goodness I love.

From Whitney:

I wanted to give an extra shout-out to some of my FemCity ladies and special supporters of the Girl Scouts! Left to right, a big thank you to Dr. Rebecca Lake of Shine Chiropractic, Michelle Swanson, and Kelsey Russell of Remax Precision Realty. (Not pictured is Trish of Trixie's Salon.)

Retzlaff Wedding

A couple of weeks ago, I had the absolute pleasure of photographing the wedding of John Retzlaff and Mackenzie Hawk at the Rollins Mansion in Des Moines.

Click to watch their epic wedding slideshow

The weather forecast was grim but the spirits were high. Everyone was constantly checking WHO’s weather map all morning to see when the rain would start. Despite our nervousness, there was one immutable fact that hung in the air with the Iowa humidity: Today was going to be a magical day.

My first interaction with Mackenzie was a phone call during which we discussed her wedding details, including a rain backup plan. She said confidently that the ceremony was going to be outside, no matter what. “We’re getting married, and we’re willing to get wet doing it.” That’s when I understood this bride’s wonderful attitude, and that nothing could seriously go wrong with this wedding.

And as fairy tales go, not a raindrop fell from the sky until all the festivities were over. This day was truly magical because of the people who gathered and the pure, joyful, overflowing emotion. Oh, and the dancing.

John and Mackenzie are two of the kindest most loyal dedicated people I have ever met. It has been my pleasure to become good friends with them and capture the most magical day of their lives. Thank you for choosing me to photograph your wedding, and for the dance party I’ll never forget!
 

Vendors:
Hair - Alexis Hawk and Kelly Fitch
Makeup - Alexis Hawk and Kelly Fitch
Wedding Dress – Modern Dress in Boone
Groomswear - The Good Fancy
Florist – Originals by Beck
DJ - Tony Bonekamp (ceremony), The Flashdance (reception)
Catering - Delmonico Catering
Chocolate Bar - Beaverdale Confections
Wedding Coordinator - Defining the Details
Venue - Rollins Mansion

About Those Thoughts Your Mind Has "On Behalf" of Your Body...

You know that moment when you give someone a compliment and their immediate reaction is to tell you how fat they're feeling that day? Or when you're eating an amazing meal and the person across from you is eating the same thing but talking about how they should have gotten a salad? Or when someone smiles at you in that way that makes you feel special, only to have them say that they are so disgusted by their yellowing teeth?

How do you feel when absorbing these words spoken by someone else? I feel...dampened. I feel sad. I feel like the wind was let out of my tires. And if I let myself spiral, I feel incredibly insecure in that person's presence. Because you know what? Whenever anyone makes negative comments about their own body in my presence, I have to try so darn hard not to let myself criticize my own body, too. I definitely fall victim to this kind of self-depreciation frequently, but it's almost worse when it's brought on by someone else. It's as if the other person's lens of criticism is a communicable disease, and they just sneezed into my coffee.

And folks, this happens. All. The. Time. I photograph people (and their perfectly imperfect bodies) for a living. I see every type of person, at every level of fitness, at every degree of self-acceptance. And let me be the first to tell you: Body acceptance and body excellence are rarely aligned. I have photographed beautiful (and I mean this is in the objective, THE WORLD MUST AGREE THAT THEY ARE GORGEOUS kind of way) people who have the lowest opinions of their physical appearance.

I truly hope that through my job I can make an impact on people's impressions of themselves. I hope that holding a standard of positivity in my studio helps increase positive mental anecdotes, even for just the short time  we’re together. But the truth is, that's not my work to do. That work happens before people arrive and after they leave the studio, and when they see the photos, and whether they choose to tear themselves apart or affirm their beauty and value.

That said, I take a lot of pride in being able to have a small but very real effect on the self-image of the people who walk through my doors. The majority of my clients walk in willing to love themselves. They walk into my space ready to feel good and take that chance and be vulnerable in front of the camera. We are all on the path to self-acceptance. No one is perfect. I just ask that people show up willing to try. I am so lucky to have so many people show up for this challenge and affirm that I’m on the right path. But dammit, I’d be lying if I said I wasn't exhausted by the few people who choose to be so unnecessarily hard on themselves.

If we’re being honest, when I’m in the presence of a critical person, I’m ten times harder on myself. All my body insecurities light up and I spiral down into my list of things I wish I had the time, the motivation, and the budget to change. I begin to obsess about my failures, my daily struggles and my bad moments in front of the mirror. It's like choosing to stand in front of a bully and get punched in the gut over and over again. And I don’t want to live there.

I am far from perfect, I have so much to work toward, but I refuse to think less of myself in the meantime. I refuse to think of myself as a project, as something not yet complete and whole and worthwhile. Because, newsflash, that will never happen to me. (And I believe that it rarely happens to anyone.) I don’t have time for perfect. I am many more important things than a dress size or a number on a scale: I am a business owner, a boss, a best friend, a daughter, and a leader. I don’t have the time to also be perfect. What I can do is be my best. I can hold myself accountable. I can be kind to myself every day. Because if I am kind to myself, the world will follow my lead.