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The First Look: The Positives and Negatives of this New Tradition

March 7, 2016 Whitney Warne
Tim and Kristen: August 2014

Tim and Kristen: August 2014

There is one moment of the wedding day all brides and grooms look forward to - the moment they see each other for the first time. This moment happens in so many different ways with varying degrees of tears and tradition but one thing remains consistent, there is no replacing the electricity (and the photos) of this once in a lifetime experience. 

The new tradition of seeing each other before the ceremony is called "the first look." Some will say it's bad luck to see the bride before the ceremony and many people look forward with anticipation to the public first look offered by walking down the aisle.  But as wedding days have gotten longer and guests' attention spans have gotten shorter the traditional wedding timeline has undergone some modernization. Now most guests are baffled by a long break between ceremony and reception, especially if your ceremony and reception are held in the same location. I'm not sure who the first brave souls were that bucked tradition and started their wedding day with a private "first look" moment, but I offer them my sincere thanks.  Here are my positives and negatives for this wedding day choice.

Celia and Shawn: October 2014

Celia and Shawn: October 2014

Positives:
1. You get to experience a real private moment. For most couples, this is the only time they spend together all day. Also, you can cry as much as you want because your stylist is still around and prepared to reapply the mascara. 

2. You actually get two big entrances! The bride still gets to walk down the aisle on the arm of her father. Your guests still get to see her for the first time as you make the walk of commitment towards each other. Double the moments, double the sensation, double the awesome photo opts.

3. You go into your ceremony UNITED. You've talked, gotten out your jitters and calmed down. I can't tell you how many couples were nervous wrecks right up until the moment they saw each other for the first time. I love seeing my brides and grooms exhale and grin like crazy when they final get to be with the one they love. After the first look, the ceremony is a piece of cake. 

4. There is more time for photos! This is a super selfish reason to love a first look, but one I find benefits the couple and their wedding party immensely.  After we capture a beautiful moment between the two of you, I usually head into the "romantics," those weddings photos you're going to hang on your wall, make your Facebook photo and generally adore for the rest of time. Doing these photos ahead of times allows us to take exactly as much time as we need and not be rushed. We also take your bridal party photos during this time,  ensuring that the groomsmen can take off their tie get to the bar as soon as they've exited the ceremony. Everyone wins! 

5. There is no need for a receiving line because you'll be at the cocktail hour! This timeline allows for maximum attention to be paid to your guests on the biggest day of your life together.

Negatives:

I've got to be honest. There are very few negatives to the first look from a photographers perspective, but I will outline some objections I've heard throughout the years.

1. It goes against tradition. For many grooms, that's right, this objection is almost always coming from the groom, seeing their bride walk down the aisle for the first time is the ONLY wedding detail they've imagined. They haven't thought about the dress, the cake or table favors. They have thought about their bride, walking arm and arm with her father towards him. I tell my couples all the time that the first look still feels special and exhilarating, and I've NEVER had a couple regretted their choice to take the more modern route, but some men have their hearts set. And what the heart wants, well you get my meaning.

Ok- so this is the only negative I could come up with, but it is completely legitimate and must be paid attention to. At the end of the day, gut feeling and a bit of scheduling are most likely going to make this decision for you. If a first look seems like the best approach to maximize photo opts and guest mingling time. then lean into it. Think of it as the only time that day you'll get to be alone together. Well, not completely alone. I'm there, but I've got my long lens on and I'm not saying a word. So you go ahead and cry if you want to.

FirstKissWeddingPhoto

A note from Tim:

"I forgot how totally awesome I look in these pictures. Kristen looked okay too I guess...

Obviously Whitney already knows we loved all of our pictures, and I know we both enjoyed the first look segment - though I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a nervous wreck throughout the ordeal. Probably can't see it on my face though because we were just having fun with it. Neither of us were really set on observing most of the normal wedding traditions aside from having a great time (and of course having it arftully documented), and I always thought this one was weird anyway, so no argument or coaxing needed. The most important thing I learned from my own wedding was just that - it's our own wedding. Just do what you feel comfortable doing and let everyone else do the worrying about whether the appropriate niceties and pomp are attended to. *steps off soapbox* Having supremely easygoing and understanding parents on both sides is always a plus, of course.

Anyway, we loved our pictures, had tons of fun with the first look, and I agree with all of the points in the blog post both positive and negative. Thanks again Whitney!

FirstLook-IowaWedding

A note from Celia: 

As I am sure you'll recall, I was initially dead set against the idea. I am so eternally grateful that you (ever so gently!) talked us into doing this, and will happily testify to any of your new brides who might be on the fence - this was, without a doubt, one of the most treasured highlights of our entire wedding day experience. But here's a real question for the pro: Will viewing your coverage of our "first look" ever STOP making me cry? To my friends and family who are currently planning their weddings: Please check out this blog post and consider allowing your photographer to capture your "first look!"

In Behind the Shoot, Client Spotlight Tags testimonial, ivory house weddings
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This entire backpack is filled with food. 

We’re in route to San Diego for our very first family vacation AND I made a commitment to my wellness 10 days ago. I am committed to resetting my nutrition, getting in touch with what fuels me, and de
This entire backpack is filled with food. We’re in route to San Diego for our very first family vacation AND I made a commitment to my wellness 10 days ago. I am committed to resetting my nutrition, getting in touch with what fuels me, and dedicated to eating food that creates energy and focus, and that mission doesn’t stop just because I’m getting on a plane. This means I bought a cooler backpack and filled it with fresh veggies and lean proteins. I boiled and peeled eggs. I baked sweet potatoes. I stuffed that sack full of energizing food so that I wouldn’t be tempted to snack in the airport or be a burden to our hostess when we arrive in San Diego. Making a commitment to my wellness has been simple, but it is not easy. It’s meant meal prepping for hours every week, saying no to the plate handed to me at a fundraiser, making special requests of my family when they have me over for dinner and saying no to cocktails and my favorite dessert. This journey is still in its infancy and I have already uncovered old limiting stories: I don’t get to be the person who is accommodated. I don’t deserve to ask for special privileges. I will not be honored if I ask for what I need. It’s meant confronting the feeling that I am a burden to people when I stay committed to myself. I am so pleased to report that these old stories were just lies I told myself to feel unsupported. The truth is, everyone is rooting for me. Everyone wants me to win. Everyone has been on my team. This is a very long way to say, this food adventure isn’t really about food. Its about freedom. Freedom from food, freedom to ask for what I need and freedom from all those old stories that have kept me isolated and restricted for too long.
Achilles protected his heel. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Superman succumbed to kryptonite. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
The Wicked Witch withered from a water bucket. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
In the Enneagram world, we uncover how we protect our fear. We protect this soft spot because there
Achilles protected his heel. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Superman succumbed to kryptonite. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The Wicked Witch withered from a water bucket. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ In the Enneagram world, we uncover how we protect our fear. We protect this soft spot because there is a fundamental belief that if it's targeted, our "self" will crumble. So we build walls to protect it, re-route battles to hide it, and defend our right to live in our fear at all costs to maintain. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Here's the tricky thing with fear. It's just information. In fact, fear is our greatest source of direction. When we're triggered by fear, we have a choice. To take action to protect our fear OR to take action to launch ourselves out of it. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ So next time you feel your chest tightening, your heart pounding, your anxiety rising. Stop. Wait. Listen.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ What is your fear telling you? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ And for a moment, stop and consider, should you believe it?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Photo credit goes to the magical @annajon.es
These are my guys. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
On the left is my love @erik.j.dominguez and on the right is my bro @hunter.warne . Can we just take a moment to talk about how handsome they are?? And how cute it is that they dressed to match each other?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
These are my guys. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ On the left is my love @erik.j.dominguez and on the right is my bro @hunter.warne . Can we just take a moment to talk about how handsome they are?? And how cute it is that they dressed to match each other?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Yesterday we went and played golf and let's just say, I'm a natural 50% of the time. My love encouraged me and told me how good I looked swinging a club, and my bro gave me all his pointers on how to get the ball to where I wanted it to go. Together, we made it through 9 holes before I declared it my dinnertime. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ We laughed, sweated, and chased a tiny ball through the grass. I birdie 1 hole! And these two rode in a cart, chatted it up, and bonded the whole time. My heart is full❤️
I really want to weigh myself.

I started working with a health coach this week. I’ve been working on my wellness diligently since January and have made lots of progress but started feeling stagnant. My initial strategies were no longer working
I really want to weigh myself. I started working with a health coach this week. I’ve been working on my wellness diligently since January and have made lots of progress but started feeling stagnant. My initial strategies were no longer working. So I brought in reinforcements. In our first conversation Terri was clear that she didn’t believe in diets. Instead she wanted to create a sustainable food environment for me AND we got too find my neutral - which is going to require diligence and removing inflammatory food from my rotation. Then she listed out a food regime that can only be described by any sane person as a diet. I said, “Terri, no one who’s not on a diet eats like this,” but I hung up the phone and went to the grocery store. And I cried the whole way there. I cried because food is fun. I cried because binge eating at night feels like reward. I cried because cooking with butter feels like love. I cried because I love ice cream. I’m one week into this new adventure and I thought I’d be dying. I thought I would have found a way to cheat myself or make excuses. But that’s not happening. My energy is through the roof. My mental acuity is on point. My workouts have never been this good, I can already feel my clothes loosening and I’ll be super honest, sex is amazing. Why? Because I’m fueling my body, rather than calming my emotions. I’m paying attention to the way I feel instead of focusing on a number on the scale. I asked Terri the first day we met how often I should weigh myself and she said, “the less the better.” Because it’s not about the number. The number is a limited way to measure success. I’m shooting for the feeling, the energy, the freedom I get to experience in my body, and that, my friends, feels limitless.
This entire backpack is filled with food. 

We’re in route to San Diego for our very first family vacation AND I made a commitment to my wellness 10 days ago. I am committed to resetting my nutrition, getting in touch with what fuels me, and de Achilles protected his heel. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Superman succumbed to kryptonite. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
The Wicked Witch withered from a water bucket. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
In the Enneagram world, we uncover how we protect our fear. We protect this soft spot because there These are my guys. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
On the left is my love @erik.j.dominguez and on the right is my bro @hunter.warne . Can we just take a moment to talk about how handsome they are?? And how cute it is that they dressed to match each other?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I really want to weigh myself.

I started working with a health coach this week. I’ve been working on my wellness diligently since January and have made lots of progress but started feeling stagnant. My initial strategies were no longer working