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This entire backpack is filled with food. We’re in route to San Diego for our very first family vacation AND I made a commitment to my wellness 10 days ago. I am committed to resetting my nutrition, getting in touch with what fuels me, and dedicated to eating food that creates energy and focus, and that mission doesn’t stop just because I’m getting on a plane. This means I bought a cooler backpack and filled it with fresh veggies and lean proteins. I boiled and peeled eggs. I baked sweet potatoes. I stuffed that sack full of energizing food so that I wouldn’t be tempted to snack in the airport or be a burden to our hostess when we arrive in San Diego. Making a commitment to my wellness has been simple, but it is not easy. It’s meant meal prepping for hours every week, saying no to the plate handed to me at a fundraiser, making special requests of my family when they have me over for dinner and saying no to cocktails and my favorite dessert. This journey is still in its infancy and I have already uncovered old limiting stories: I don’t get to be the person who is accommodated. I don’t deserve to ask for special privileges. I will not be honored if I ask for what I need. It’s meant confronting the feeling that I am a burden to people when I stay committed to myself. I am so pleased to report that these old stories were just lies I told myself to feel unsupported. The truth is, everyone is rooting for me. Everyone wants me to win. Everyone has been on my team. This is a very long way to say, this food adventure isn’t really about food. Its about freedom. Freedom from food, freedom to ask for what I need and freedom from all those old stories that have kept me isolated and restricted for too long.

Achilles protected his heel. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Superman succumbed to kryptonite. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ The Wicked Witch withered from a water bucket. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ In the Enneagram world, we uncover how we protect our fear. We protect this soft spot because there is a fundamental belief that if it's targeted, our "self" will crumble. So we build walls to protect it, re-route battles to hide it, and defend our right to live in our fear at all costs to maintain. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Here's the tricky thing with fear. It's just information. In fact, fear is our greatest source of direction. When we're triggered by fear, we have a choice. To take action to protect our fear OR to take action to launch ourselves out of it. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ So next time you feel your chest tightening, your heart pounding, your anxiety rising. Stop. Wait. Listen.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ What is your fear telling you? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ And for a moment, stop and consider, should you believe it?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Photo credit goes to the magical @annajon.es

These are my guys. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ On the left is my love @erik.j.dominguez and on the right is my bro @hunter.warne . Can we just take a moment to talk about how handsome they are?? And how cute it is that they dressed to match each other?⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Yesterday we went and played golf and let's just say, I'm a natural 50% of the time. My love encouraged me and told me how good I looked swinging a club, and my bro gave me all his pointers on how to get the ball to where I wanted it to go. Together, we made it through 9 holes before I declared it my dinnertime. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ We laughed, sweated, and chased a tiny ball through the grass. I birdie 1 hole! And these two rode in a cart, chatted it up, and bonded the whole time. My heart is full❤️

I really want to weigh myself. I started working with a health coach this week. I’ve been working on my wellness diligently since January and have made lots of progress but started feeling stagnant. My initial strategies were no longer working. So I brought in reinforcements. In our first conversation Terri was clear that she didn’t believe in diets. Instead she wanted to create a sustainable food environment for me AND we got too find my neutral - which is going to require diligence and removing inflammatory food from my rotation. Then she listed out a food regime that can only be described by any sane person as a diet. I said, “Terri, no one who’s not on a diet eats like this,” but I hung up the phone and went to the grocery store. And I cried the whole way there. I cried because food is fun. I cried because binge eating at night feels like reward. I cried because cooking with butter feels like love. I cried because I love ice cream. I’m one week into this new adventure and I thought I’d be dying. I thought I would have found a way to cheat myself or make excuses. But that’s not happening. My energy is through the roof. My mental acuity is on point. My workouts have never been this good, I can already feel my clothes loosening and I’ll be super honest, sex is amazing. Why? Because I’m fueling my body, rather than calming my emotions. I’m paying attention to the way I feel instead of focusing on a number on the scale. I asked Terri the first day we met how often I should weigh myself and she said, “the less the better.” Because it’s not about the number. The number is a limited way to measure success. I’m shooting for the feeling, the energy, the freedom I get to experience in my body, and that, my friends, feels limitless.